In Your Anger Do Not Sin

rage-1015611_1920Taken from my free Book on “Divorce & Marriage Breakdown,”

Reeling in pain and consumed by injustice, anger was frequently bubbling at the surface and seeking to break out.  One very memorable day I gave myself permission to release just a tiny fragment of this dangerous emotion as I went to the kitchen cupboard and took out the blue striped mug, which I had previously bought for my husband, and I went into the yard and hurled it with all my might to the ground!  On contact with the ground it shattered into many fragments and lay silently scattered as a small symbol of a shattered marriage and as a witness to the violent emotions of my broken life, broken promises and devastatingly broken heart!  The pieces lay where they landed for over a year before I finally felt able to do the difficult task of collecting these shards and disposing of them more sensibly in the dustbin.

This was if I am perfectly honest, not the first or only outburst of my anger.  In the early days a few ungodly words had passed my lips and I had given vent to my anger by throwing the phone on the floor on one particularly bad day and feeling immense anger at many of the small injustices that continually occurred.  I did however, immediately ask for God’s forgiveness for doing so (and asking everyone’s forgiveness if I sinned against them or in their presence) and also kept asking for His help to not have fits of rage in this fashion.  I realised early on that they were due to wanting things my own way rather than following God’s way.  The above scripture tells us that in our anger we ought not to sin but put all our trust in the Lord.  This was cutting edge Christianity.  This was a life of extreme forgiveness.  This was a true and thorough testing of my faith.

I found the following from Psalms to be relevant to this situation:

“You pushed me violently, that I might fall, but the Lord Helped me.”  Psalm  118:13

And also,

“It is good for me that I have been afflicted, that I may learn Your statutes.” Ps 119:71

Oh but the Lord was good to me.  He woke me with His precious word saying, “Do to others as you want them to do to you,” then also, “Be merciful as your heavenly Father is merciful.” 

I was seeking God’s help and he spoke in the night.  I meditated within my heart on my bed and was still before the Lord as I pondered His word to me and His wonderful presence that filled me with all of His love and compassion for the very person who was causing my pain.  The Lord answered my cries for help to change my reactions from anger and selfishness to mercy and kindness.  What a wonderful God He is!  He didn’t come to me with a rebuke for my sins but with His tenderness and His heart changing Holy Spirit presence and His life changing living words from the Bible.  God Himself was using all the pain and anger that I was struggling with and transforming me by His love into a more Christ-like person; a person more able to help others in their time of distress, a person who was gradually learning to die to self and live more for Christ Jesus.

Jesus said,  “Most assuredly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it produces much grain.  … If anyone serves Me, let him follow Me.”      John 12:24-26

 And also, in Mathew’s gospel,

“If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.”   Matthew 16:24

So this is what “dying to self” felt like; feeling the pain, allowing the Lord to forgive me my sinful reactions, asking for His help and then being transformed by His word and His Spirit within me.

“For it is the God who commanded light to shine out of darkness, who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.  But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us.  We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed …”  2 Corinthians 4:6-9

So, though I gave in to the impulse to smash my husband’s mug I was now allowing God to smash me; the sinful parts, the worldly parts, the fleshly parts.  That included all my selfishness, pride, ambitions, my security, reputation and my rights.  And yes, it has been very painful and yes it has taken time and yes it is a life-long process.  But the biggest “Yes” of them all is my response to the question, “Is it worth it?”  To allow the Lord access to the deepest core part of my life and to experience His love and power to change me has made these years of the rejection by my husband to be a privilege to be counted worthy of suffering for His name.

continue reading  book here.

PS – Just in case you were wondering, I wrote the “book” just a few years after my husband left me, whilst the memories were still fresh in my mind but the pain had subsided somewhat.  I am now almost ten years from the start of the process and as such feel it is a good time to finally take this testimony out of the archives and make it available to you.  Please share it with any you may know who you feel could be helped by it.

God bless


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  1. Hi Helen – thank you so much for your excerpts, which I am reading with great interest. I think the awful grief I went through when my darling husband died was nowhere near what you went through because the sting was taken out of it for me by the knowledge that my husband was a Christian too and that I will be reunited with him in eternity. I can testify that the Holy Spirit comforted and sustained me. But I can identify with so many of your spiritual struggles and the Lord has led us in similar practises, for I too found solace in clinging to His word and like you, I write down scriptures/psalms that the Lord uses to speak to my heart. Firstly on scraps of notepaper but now in a proper notebook. I struggle with old age and health and not being able to do the things I would like to do and loneliness etc. But God is good and merciful and is always faithful to deliver me from my fears and sense of uselessness. Plus, there always seems to be a scripture that directly addresses our prayers, in this instance : Psalm 92:12-15 I pray the Lord will reach and bless many souls through your testimonies. With much love in the Lord, Eileen x

    Eileen’s Blogs:

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Eileen,
      I am glad that you too wrote, “I can testify that the Holy Spirit comforted and sustained me.” Amen to that. God is so very good to us when life is tough. Not that we don’t suffer a lot of pain and loneliness – we do suffer, as we both know. But just knowing that we are never totally alone, as an unbeliever would be, is a comfort in itself. Also, knowing that the Lord can use our difficulties to mould and shape us as a potter shapes his pottery, can also be a blessing through the bad times.
      “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28
      Much love to you too
      Helen x


  2. I think your honesty, and your strength of purpose, how you have voiced your faith, your hurt, and your hope, has been special, and of great encouragement to me. You remind me of a dear Christian friend I once had. She too was very real in her faith and her life. You also remind me of King David. His love for God, his hurt, and the psalms through which he expressed himself. You also remind me of myself twenty years ago. Time and hurting can take its toll; the confusion and loneliness leaves its mark; patience and longsuffering becomes an old friend; but you have by your blog, helped me in no small part, for which I thank-you.

    It matters doesn’t it, that we live the Christian life fully, not hiding our light, or allowing our saltiness to fade. Not just keeping it for Sunday, or Easter, or Christmas, when displaying it may just be acceptable (if you are lucky), but every moment of every day, in everything we do.

    I was wondering to myself just a while ago this evening, just why does our lack of faith, as Christians I mean, quite perversely, why does our lack of faith impact upon realty so much? As with Peter when he stepped out of the boat, that sudden doubt, and he began to sink – just a moments doubt, had such an impact, instantly. We are told that where two or more agree, that what we ask will be done, and yet few ever seem to reach that kind of empowering faith. I wish I knew why. I get the impression you have that kind of faith, Helen. I once knew it; for a fleeting moment it seems, but much has happened to quench that understanding. Not so much a lack of knowing, or belief, but a struggle to find that closeness with God, that allows Him to approach us, just as He has allowed us to approach Him. That is what I miss about fellowship, that encouragement that fellowship with likeminded people brings, that not only encourages, but empowers also.

    What is Faith, and what is doubt, that both have such power?

    Take care, stay safe, and may God bless you.


    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi David,

      Thank you for your kind comment. I am glad to be of Christian service in encouraging others.

      I know what you mean about longing for true Christian fellowship. How it can encourage and strengthen one’s own faith.

      You wrote, “It matters doesn’t it, that we live the Christian life fully…” and agree. I have had to battle many, many fears (and no doubt, always will to some extent) that hold me in a grip of inactivity or fear of witnessing or living fully for the Lord. The enemy of our souls wants us full of fear, full of apathy, full of worldliness, full of disbelief/unbelief etc, etc, etc. BUT when we realise that the enemy of our very own soul is at work, we can cry out to the Lord to increase our faith. We can beseech Him to forgive our sins. We can ask Him to search us and expose to us all that displeases Him, in order for us to repent and change our ways.

      I have also found that “forgiveness” is a massive key in all this. I find that when I hold something against someone, I can become bitter and angry in a self-destructive way. The Christian walk is one of keep on forgiving. When the going gets tough in this regard, I just keep on praying for the Lord to help me with the forgiveness issue. Until the time that I eventually feel at peace. On occasion, the Lord has surprised me with the blessing of meeting the very person by whom I had been exceedingly hurt, only to realise that I now felt warmth towards them, instead of the old horrid feelings. It is a real and wonderful miracle when that happens.

      I have had to learn (& keep relearning) that I get angry when things don’t go how I think they “ought to”. When people don’t treat me how I think they “ought to”. It’s then that I bring it before God and ask for His forgiveness and say to Him, “Your will be done, not mine.” It’s tough, but Jesus didn’t promise us an easy life.

      Don’t let the past lock you in its grip David. Seek the Lord with all your heart and He will transform the rest of your days on earth. Commit your way to him. Forgive those who have wronged you (trying not to smash too many mugs en route though – Lol 🙂 ) and let God do a miracle for you in your heart.

      Many blessings


  3. I forgot to say, that I have found much comfort in Psalm 109.

    “They have compassed me about also with words of hatred and have fought against me without a cause. In return for my love they are my adversaries, but I resort to prayer. And they have rewarded and laid upon me evil for good, and hatred for my love.”



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